Movie Review - Victor Crowley

Victor Crowley

2017

The Cast

Oh, Dear what can the matter be?  Victor Crowley is back on my TV!!!

Now, I don't have anything against Crowley (Hodder) as horror film monsters go, he's climbing up there.  It's actually Green's story and direction which irked me the most about this film.

Firstly, the story is pretty much non-existent.  Ten years after the first attack, the sole survivor, Andrew (Shen) is doing the rounds pushing his book on how he survived Crowley's attack.  This puts him on his ex's TV show Sabrina (Brown).  She's over antagonistic and bullies him in the interview.  She later cons him into another interview, this time an outside broadcast back in Crowley's swamp.  Meanwhile, a film crew accidentally resurrect Crowley and his killing spree starts up once again...

The major problem with the writing is the characters, particularly that of Sabrina and her relationship with Andrew.  Supposedly they were a loving couple, though there's no evidence of it here.  You're not even given a reason for why she treats Andrew so vehemently.  This is unrealistic and unbelievable.  It's also so obvious that their relationship is there as a comedic element.  However, it's more annoying than funny.  To be truthful, though labelled as a comedy there are very little laughs in the film.  Not once did I smile at a joke, let alone laugh.  Had this been played as a straight horror then it would be a stronger film.  Another thing is Green relies on characters to add humour, such as Dillon (Sheridan).  The trouble is we've seen this type of character so many times so you need to add something new to make it funny.  There's nothing new in any of the characters.  Though I have to say that Sheridan does put his heart and soul into his portrayal of the character, which was nice to see as other actors are less enthusiastic.

This could come down to direction as Brown, who plays Sabrina, is too shouty and angry.  This needed to be toned down a little.  As it stands, the handling of the character is part of the reason she comes off so badly.  Then there's the scene at the shed.  This is meant to be funny, but it's telegraphed too early so you know what's coming and you're waiting for it to happen.  So when it does eventually come the comedy has been rendered unfunny.  This is the case with a lot of the sight gags.  As for the direction of the rest of the film, it's standard and dull, especially the scenes within the plane, of which there are too many.

In fact, the only saving grace to the whole film is Victor Crawley himself and his slaughters.  The special effects team have my respect, these are gloriously nasty wet-work.  I was just sad to see the turbine kill effect was shot at a sideways angle so there was little viscera.  Shame they missed out on the chance for a nasty and grisly ending.  If they could have pulled it off it would have gone down in history.

This is not the best in the Hatchet franchise and I'd not recommend it to anyone except those steadfast horror fans who have watched the previous three flicks.

I give this a Gloriously Bloody Boring 4 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Afflicted

Afflicted

2013

The Cast

So far, there have been only three "worth-watching" Point-Of-View Movies:  Cloverfield,  The Possession of Michael King, and Chronicle; of which, Cloverfield is the best of the bunch... until now...

When Afflicted started my heart sank and I reached for the remote.  There are way too many awful P.O.V. Movies out in the Horror genre so I was already in conflict with myself... should I turn off or should I give it a chance...

I am most certainly glad I chose to give it a chance.  It's just a shame it took me five years to get to watch it... thank you The Horror Channel for adding another movie to my expanding list of favourites.

I also have to admit I was dubious since it's a vampyre tale.  In recent times, vampires have not been what they should be (with sarcastic thanks to Stephenie Meyer).  However, I have to give a real and heartfelt thanks to both Derek Lee and Clif Prowse, who wrote, directed, and acted in a True up-to-date vampyre tome.  For anybody thinking of doing a vampyre novel or film then check out the Afflicted as this is how it should be done.

What Afflicted does it tell the story of Derek Lee, who wakes up one day doubting his life choices so he chooses to make a big change.  With the help of his best friend Clif, they decide to go on a world tour they had planned in school.  Clif will document the entire journey and post it online.  They promise their followers to visit any place they recommend and to do any dare they challenge.  However, in their first stop, Paris, Clif dares Derek to get laid.  Except, for Derek's lover for the night isn't exactly normal...

From here on in, Clif begins to document Derek and the changes he and his body is going through.

What makes this such a good film is the change in perspectives as Derek transforms.  In the beginning, there's worry as he's sick, unable to keep food down, projectile vomiting, and in pain.  This alters to wonder and awe as he realises his strength has increased; he can run at speed and jump great distances.  There then comes fear and anxiety when he finally realises what he must do to stay alive.  In the end, there's anger and hate as he hunts down the woman responsible for his altered state, looking for a cure.

Another good thing is actually the camera work.  This is the thing I usually dislike the most in P.O.V. Movies.  But Lee and Prowse are masters in this style.  It really takes off in the action sequences, the police chase is spectacular as the viewer is taken on a parkour of the town.  Even the added gunshots are worked brilliantly; adding blood splatter not to just the camera lens but to the floors and walls.  Unlike most films created by this technique, Afflicted looks as though the directors actually worked out every shot to its maximum benefit.  This reminded me a little of Chronicle in the way some of the shots were orchestrated and of Cloverfield in the working of the atmosphere.

Then there's also the little details.  The scene where Derek subjects himself to sunlight is painful.  The bubbling, erupting, and burning skin made me wince.

So the story is good, the direction and pace are heading towards perfection, so what about the acting...  Well, surprisingly both Lee and Prowse are really quite good.  Not fantastic but definitely well above average... and no ham or wood in sight.  Which is a good thing as they are the two main roles and appear in every scene.

So If you like horror flicks you really should consider watching this, if you haven't already.  If you like action flicks then you too should enjoy this Vampyre film.

I give this a Terrific Bloody Bite of 7.75 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - The Monkey's Paw 2013

The Monkey's Paw

2013

The Cast

This is another "Be Careful What You Wish For..." movie.  When Gillespie (Kelly) is fired from his job at the packing plant he besides to have his revenge on those he thought responsible.  So, that night at the bar, he entices Jake (Thomason) over and proceeds to tell him the story of the monkey's paw, which is sitting on the table.  Thinking it all to be a joke, he makes a wish to have the car in front of the bar.  Gillespie hands over the withered paw and says it now belongs to him.  When Jake and Cobb (Lang) leave at the end of the night the car is in the parking lot... alone... unlocked... keys in the ignition...  On the joyride, Jake swerves to miss a crocodile in the road and crashes into a tree.  Cobb is thrown through the windscreen and dies minutes later.  Shocked and afraid, Jake quickly wishes that Cobb wasn't dead... and this is where the fun starts.

Of course, there are only three wishes so with only one left Jake will have to be very careful about how he words his last wish.

I admit to hoping this would be along The Wishmaster lines but sadly it wasn't... and it wasn't as good either.  Though what this story had was lashings of realism, which created an environment for the curse to run riot in.  You have a business that's not doing so well.  A boss and husband who sleeps around.  A wife who knows something is wrong and wishes for her younger years and her love of that time.  A man complacent with his life, though he believes there's no prospects or advancement, life will be like this until he dies.  A man who's been through a lot and is in love with a woman who hates him and won't let him see his son.  All of this anchors the viewer in the here and now and gives them enough drama to keep them interested.

Add to this the element of horror, the supernatural, and murder and you have a good film.  Simmons does an admirable job with the direction and has a surprisingly subtle hand with using light to create the right atmosphere at the right time.  There are some really nice iconic and powerful part silhouettes, which he uses to create tension and suspense.  The pace, on the whole, is brilliant.  He keeps it at a slow crawl, which allows him to create a shiver of anticipation under your skin... though, at times it can be too slow.    For example, the beginning sequence at the plant.  Most of this isn't required.  I know it's there so the audience can meet the characters, however, it felt overstretched.  There's also a few scenes which are kind of superfluous, like the opening scene.  This is then retold in greater detail by Gillespie at the bar.  To be honest, it's not even a hook to draw viewers into the film. However, I did like the fact that Simmons cut away from some of the goriest parts of the film, letting the viewers imagination fill in the messy bits.

The acting is above average, though there are times when things get a little messy.  The worst being the ambulance scene at the climax of the film.  Thomason just can't seem to get afraid, anxious, and scared quite right and opts to shout and thrash about.  It's both Kelly and Lang who add power to the cast and film.  Lang is so good as the resurrected and murderous Cobb.  While Kelly does an ordinary Joe so well.  There's not one scene these two are in that even comes close to bad.  It's a shame that Dutton, who plays detective Margolis, isn't around a little more either.

I'd recommend this to horror lovers who like their macabre curses and evil manipulated wishes gone awry.  I will only be too happy to watch this film again, though it might take me a couple of years.

I Wish this to be an Eerie Supernatural Curse of 6.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Video Nasty - Andy Warhol's Flesh For Frankenstein

Andy Warhol's

Flesh For Frankenstein

1973

Compagnia Cinematografica Champion / Braunsberg Productions / Carlo Ponti Cinematografica / Rassam Productions / Yanne Et Rassam

Bryanston Distributing / EMI Distribution / Image Entertainment / Tartan Video Limited

6.25 / 10

Oh, my God!  This movie is magnificent in its badness.  A true masterpiece of awfulness.  This is the epitome and the complete definition of a bad movie.  This is the type of movie you can enjoy even though it's far from perfect.

For example, there's a scene where Udo Kier, Baron Frankenstein, is telling his servant Otto, played by starey-eyed Arno Juerging (does he even blink(?)) about his days as an assistant, "I had to clean out all the toilets before I could stick my nose into the laboratory!"  Except, due to Kier's accent, "laboratory" sounds live "lavatory".  Brilliant.

Another positive is that this is a cross between the old lavish Hammer Horror movies and the visceral Italian gorefest and it works really well.  There is not one scene where you cannot see everything, though there are times you wish you weren't seeing it.  Especially when the Baron likes playing with the female Zombies innards too much and poor Otto has to keep wiping his brow.  Even though you think this is wrong it only gets worse.

Even when you think the only one who is remotely sane is the Baron's wife, brilliantly portrayed by Monique Van Vooren, even she tips her toes into the darker side of sexual kinkiness.  I can fully understand why this one got the BANNED stamp, though they are done so gloriously you see it as funny or erotic.

The story is a pretty decent one though.  The Baron is looking to reincarnate humans into Zombies and with the sole purpose of procreating and building a super-race of Serbians.  Through his strict guidelines, he procures his body parts for looks and sexual prowess.  These Zombies will give him the perfect children he always wanted and he will have control over them all.  This allows the writer to create some good individual characters, though writing, acting, and direction aren't perfect because each personality is different it helps to keep the viewer watching the screen.  I especially loved the male Zombies attitude and logic at the end of the story.

The special effects are up to the usual Italian standards.  Even though the decapitation isn't too realistic, you have to give the FX crew big respect because the eyes blink and move, which they will do because a head can remain conscious for a minute after being removed.  There are lots of guts and oodles of bright red blood (much too bright to be real).

All of this mixed in with some nudity and you have a marvellous exploitation movie.

This is a MUST WATCH for all who love bad b-movie horror flicks.  I cannot believe it's taken me so long to find this one, though now I have I will be watching it again and again with a smile on my face and a chortle in my throat.  Good on ya' Mister Warhol...

Nergling - The Video Nasties Scare - Andy Warhol's Flesh For Frankenstein

Movie Review - The Void

The Void

2016

Cave Painting Pictures / JoBro Productions & Film Finance : Screen Media Films / Signature Entertainment

3.5 / 10

I had read articles where they were touting a kind of 1980's horror film style resurrection.  Now being a horror fan and loving the 1980's films of my youth I have to say that my interest was well and truly hyped up with anticipation.  I'd already been quietly surprised by 2014's It Follows, which was okay and had a definite John Carpenter feel at times, though it wasn't as strong as any of Carpenter's films.  So when I had the chance to view this film I jumped at the chance.  Which was a mistake!

This should have a been a much better film and it even had the possibility of being a masterpiece... shame everything went wrong with it.

The story is of a Doctor who is trying to cheat death by making a deal, not with the devil, but with the Lovecraftian Old Ones, and there are tentacles and monsters aplenty.

The thing about the film is that by and large, it's boring and way too shouty, with very little characterisation and even though the actors do their best I just couldn't empathise with any of them (which is really strange as we do actually share the same driving force).

I could also understand why the article had said the new set of horror movies felt like 1980's because I could count four, possibly five, film references.

Hellraiser:  The good Doctor Richard Powell, played well by, though not as menacingly as he should have been, Kenneth Welsh was a cross between Uncle Larry and Pinhead.

The Keep:  Here it's the "Anti-God" symbolism and the atmosphere of the "Evil" symbol.  In the case of The Keep, it's the nickel crosses which are holding something back.  In the case of The Void, it's the...  Triangle! We all know what a cross symbolises so that's already in our subconscious mind to be exploited.  I know the triangle is meant to represent a pyramid but as a symbol of evil, it doesn't work... I never thought Pythagoras was evil, though I never did love mathematics.  Then when we get to the scene where our hero's come across a triangle painted on a door as a warning and the tough guy of the pack has a meltdown, the first thought in my head was, "Run Away they have triangles." 

The Thing:  The special effects are very reminiscent of John Carpenter's remake, especially where the creature is breaking free of its human host, though her mouth.  It had me thinking of the spider head scene in the thing.

Assault On Precinct 13 and/or Prince Of Darkness:  There are scenes where groups of the Followers are standing outside the hospital to keep the people captive inside.  They way this is filmed is very evocative of these two Carpenter films, though not as menacing are as scary.  I put this down to the Followers looking like refugees from a KKK meeting, as they are dressed in white robes with one glaringly obvious difference, a black triangle on the front of their masks.  I'm sorry, but as I said before a triangle just doesn't cut it as being eerie enough to invoke fear.

The major thing which the above movies have is the atmosphere and I'm sorry to say that's one of the main ingredient's missing in The Void.  With Carpenter, the atmosphere was created with lighting and music, which he himself composed.  There's very little music in The Void and no atmospherical lighting at all.

The other is Style, John Carpenter is a master of style and Michael Mann gave it a good try in The Keep.  But, in The Void, there's no style or flair whatsoever.  The Directors, Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski, just go from scene to scene. 

With these elements missing, the movie feels tedious as the viewer isn't drawn into the story, there are no goosebumps forming on the backs of their arms and no shivers down the spine.  I found my attention drifting and I looked away from the screen often.

I would recommend watching the five other films over this one as they are all superior to The Void.

When you watch the trailer you'll see the sound-bites from SlashFilm, Fangoria, and Screen Horror Mag, I'm so sorry to think these publications no longer know what a good horror film is.

Video Nasty - Dead And Buried

Dead And Buried

1981

Barclays Mercantile Industrial Finance

Embassy Pictures / Vestron Video / Blue Underground

7.5 / 10

Oh my God, this was so nearly a perfect horror film...  So what went wrong?

This starts off brilliantly with the titles which give the audience the feel of a classy and elegant movie.  This is a bold move for a horror but the director, Gary Sherman knew exactly what he was doing.  Sherman continues this ambiance into the opening scene of a photographer snapping piccies of driftwood and fishing tackle.  He is joined on the beach by the beautiful Lisa (played by Lisa Blount) and after a few flirtations she removes her blouse and asks if she could be a model.  As the photographer closes in for a romantic clinch...

This is when all hell breaks loose...  I cannot say anything else otherwise "Spoilers" - and we don't like them do we.

The opening sequence does a fantastic job of drawing in the viewer in and making them wonder just what the hell is going on in the little seaside village of Potter's Bluff.  It's up to Sheriff Dan Gillis (strongly portrayed by James Farentino) to solve the murders and the mysteries behind them.  Coroner William G Dobbs (splendidly played by Jack Albertson) is helping him with his investigations.  These are the main two characters in the movie and are well crafted with their own personal attributes and qualities making them likable and relatable.

The writers, Jeff Millar, Alex Stern, who wrote the story based on a Chelsea Quinn Yarbro novel, and screenwriters Ronald Shusett and the skillful Dan O'Bannon, give the Zombie mythos a new spin.  Along with special effects wizard Stan Winston they all create a tangible tension and eeriness that adds to the power and atmosphere of the movie.

Then the reveal comes... 

...and everything falls apart.

Suddenly the strong personality of Sheriff Gillis becomes that of a screaming and wailing weak-willed person; the off-beat Dodds becomes comically insane; Gillis' wife Janet (played by Melody Anderson) falls apart mentally; and the story ends with a whimper rather than a scream.  This ending makes a brilliant movie a mess and a shambles.

However, it's still worth watching for the earlier part of the film and not the last ten minutes.  I now want to find a copy of the novel to read to see if this ending is also the book's finale... it may work better in words and in imagination than it does on film.

Movie Review - Dead Heat

Dead Heat

(1988)

Helpern/Meltzer : New World Pictures / Anchor Bay Entertainment / Image Entertainment

7.25 / 10

This was a rare treat to watch.  I had forgotten how good and funny this little horror comedy thriller is.

This is a buddy-buddy cop tale that takes a walk on the Darkside.  While in a shootout with a couple of jewellery store robbers they are amazed when the bad guys just won't lie down dead even though they're dancing a Spandau Ballet in a hail of bullets.  It takes a hand-grenade and a speeding car to bring them down.

It's not until they get the bodies into the morgue that they realise they have already been autopsied...

This is one of the best and funniest Zombie films around.  Back in the glorious '80's the special FX really did go the extra mile.  The scene in the Chinese butcher's shop is hilarious and gruesome as the dead animals come back to life.

However, not everything about this movie is fun.  Around the half way mark the film slows down and the laughs start to disappear... in fact, the story pretty much stops.  It does pick up in the last fifteen minutes of the film but never quite reaches the highs of the first half of the movie.

Both of the lead roles, Treat Williams as Roger Mortis and Joe Piscopo as Doug Bigelow, work well together and this chemistry works well and pretty much holds the film together.  It's when these two aren't together that the movie suffers.  Most of the comedy moments are where these two are working off each other.

Both Darren McGavin (of "Kolchack: The Night Stalker" fame) as Dr Ernest McNab and Vincent Price as Arthur P Loudermilk are underused.  These two could have been utilised a little more in the second half of the film, this may have helped the lift the movie here, making it a little less boring.

Mark Goldblatt, does a good job of utilising the lead actors and bringing out some really good dark comedic moments.

I'd recommend this to anybody who has a dark sense of humour and likes everything horror and Zombi.  Still one of my favourites of the '80's even with the stale second half... it has a special place in my heart.

Movie Review - Wyrmwood

Wyrmwood:  Road Of The Dead

2014

The Cast

If you, like myself, have started to become bored with the "Zombie-Fest" the film companies have given us, from the remakes of George Romero's classics to Zombie Nazi's to World War Z, then this is a great big breath of fresh air... or not (you'll get that joke once you watch the film.

What you get here is the classic opening and cause for the Zombie plague, a group of falling stars which changes the chemical make-up of the air.  The change forces the population to become Zombies, except for one particular blood group... these are our survivors.

Along the way you get their stories, an army with a suspect mission, a mad professor with an insane plan to help the human race, and the next generation of Zombie.  Even though all of this has been done before in other films, the vigour with which the director, Kiah Roache-Turner gives the film, and the twists to the "Zombie Myths" which the writers, Kiah and Tristan Roache-Turner, add give this film and the particular genre a much-deserved kick in the arse.

The actors were great and did a fantastic job on the characterisations.  I especially liked Leon Burchell as Benny, who blows a guys head off to find he wasn't a Zombie, to which he runs over to the corpse and shouts, "Is he okay?  Is he gonna be okay?"

The first time I saw Barry, the main hero, I wasn't too sure of his character or the actor playing him, Jay Gallagher.  I was wrong about my initial opinion on the character and actor, as his story is one of loss, anger, revenge, and growth, and shows what kind of psychological journey you would take should the Zombie Apocalypse occur.

Bianca Bradey did a wonderful job of portraying Barry's sister Brooke, who is a strong, intelligent, take-no-crap, woman.  Frank, played by Keith Agius, is a wonderful character who has a great depth to him, the scene in the stalled truck is brilliant.  The mad professor is greatly over-acted by Berynn Schwerdt making him a wonderful psychopath.

This film is so chock-full of so many different things, even genres, comedy, action, thriller, with horror being the main genre and I was grateful that the horror feel stayed throughout.  I was waiting to be dismayed when it all eventually fell apart.  Like watching a plate twirler, you're expecting a plate to fall and smash, and once that happens usually all the other plates follow.  When the end came and the credits rolled, I was wearing a big smile on my face, thanks guys for a great film.

I caught this as it aired on Film4 though now I'm looking to pick up a copy so I can throw it at my friends while screaming, "WATCH THIS!"

This is a MUST WATCH for any Zombie-ites out there.  I give this a flesh-ripping blood-dripping 10 out of 10.

Okay, so the trailer is below, however, I would recommend watching the movie and not the trailer, because, as is the want of trailers, some (not even most and definitely not all) of the good scenes are shown, but most of the pivotal scenes are, which would be better and more satisfying when viewed in the movie.

You Have Been Warned!