Movie Review - Victor Crowley

Victor Crowley

2017

The Cast

Oh, Dear what can the matter be?  Victor Crowley is back on my TV!!!

Now, I don't have anything against Crowley (Hodder) as horror film monsters go, he's climbing up there.  It's actually Green's story and direction which irked me the most about this film.

Firstly, the story is pretty much non-existent.  Ten years after the first attack, the sole survivor, Andrew (Shen) is doing the rounds pushing his book on how he survived Crowley's attack.  This puts him on his ex's TV show Sabrina (Brown).  She's over antagonistic and bullies him in the interview.  She later cons him into another interview, this time an outside broadcast back in Crowley's swamp.  Meanwhile, a film crew accidentally resurrect Crowley and his killing spree starts up once again...

The major problem with the writing is the characters, particularly that of Sabrina and her relationship with Andrew.  Supposedly they were a loving couple, though there's no evidence of it here.  You're not even given a reason for why she treats Andrew so vehemently.  This is unrealistic and unbelievable.  It's also so obvious that their relationship is there as a comedic element.  However, it's more annoying than funny.  To be truthful, though labelled as a comedy there are very little laughs in the film.  Not once did I smile at a joke, let alone laugh.  Had this been played as a straight horror then it would be a stronger film.  Another thing is Green relies on characters to add humour, such as Dillon (Sheridan).  The trouble is we've seen this type of character so many times so you need to add something new to make it funny.  There's nothing new in any of the characters.  Though I have to say that Sheridan does put his heart and soul into his portrayal of the character, which was nice to see as other actors are less enthusiastic.

This could come down to direction as Brown, who plays Sabrina, is too shouty and angry.  This needed to be toned down a little.  As it stands, the handling of the character is part of the reason she comes off so badly.  Then there's the scene at the shed.  This is meant to be funny, but it's telegraphed too early so you know what's coming and you're waiting for it to happen.  So when it does eventually come the comedy has been rendered unfunny.  This is the case with a lot of the sight gags.  As for the direction of the rest of the film, it's standard and dull, especially the scenes within the plane, of which there are too many.

In fact, the only saving grace to the whole film is Victor Crawley himself and his slaughters.  The special effects team have my respect, these are gloriously nasty wet-work.  I was just sad to see the turbine kill effect was shot at a sideways angle so there was little viscera.  Shame they missed out on the chance for a nasty and grisly ending.  If they could have pulled it off it would have gone down in history.

This is not the best in the Hatchet franchise and I'd not recommend it to anyone except those steadfast horror fans who have watched the previous three flicks.

I give this a Gloriously Bloody Boring 4 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hell's Kitty

Hell's Kitty

2018

The Cast

After watching the dreadful Hellraiser films (the sequels after the original four movies), this little B-Movie Horror Comedy was a real breath of fresh air... and much needed.

This story centres around one cat (Angel) and her all-encompassing love for her owner, Nick (Tana)...  Her affection knows no bounds so pitty any woman foolish enough to get close to him;  Cat scratches and severed arterial veins go hand in hand in the Tana house.  Then one night, Nick is awoken by loud metal music.  Stumbling through his apartment half asleep in search of the commotion he comes across a mirror with a pentagram drawn in blood and his kitty eating her treats... also in the shape of a pentagram...  Nick begins to question himself... Is Angel possessed?

This is a very witty comedy filled with well written comedic dialogue and situations.  However, the best thing by far is the homage to '80's horror films.  Nearly every actor in the film has been in a horror flick or two.  I particularly liked seeing Isaiah (Franklin) and Mordicia (Gains) once again.  For comedy writers, this is how you use the word "Pussy" in dialogue, in a humorous situation, and get the audience to laugh.  I even liked the fact that there was corn, for them to run through, in the apartment too - brilliant.  Was it also coincidence that I watched this film on the same night as the next chapter in the  Children of the Corn flicks... or could it be I'm following him behind the rows...

So this is definitely a film for '80's horror fans.  You should feel right at home, as I did (with a big stupid grin on my face), when Michael Berryman makes an appearance as Detective Pluto (yeah, Pluto).

However, it wasn't just the nod to the oldies but Tana is also quite a good director.  He used colours and lighting perfectly as well as throwing in some interesting camera angles to create mood and tension.  I was so into the film that I didn't notice he changed to black and white for the shower scene.  Once I did I knew what was coming... can you screech, "Ree, Ree, Ree,"  I have to give respect to Tana at this point because, until this moment he'd only used know actors for the comedy and to create a sense of nostalgia, now he was going to use the most iconic scene in movie history for a laugh... but he doesn't.  Sure there's comedy in the outcome of the scene but it actually adds relative elements to the story; it wasn't to get a cheap laugh.

As for the acting, it's hit and miss.  This could be down to the direction, though I think it's more down to honed skills.  The "Stella" cast is pretty much perfect whereas it's the newbies who seem a little off.  Though I do have to give a round of applause to Adam Rucho, who plays Adam, as there are some very good dramatic sections in his portrayal making his character realistic and believable.  And even though Lisa Young, comes across as a little hammy I have to say this lady really can stare... scary.

The thing which lets the film down the most is the special effects, especially the "Cat-Fights" which just look silly... especially the fight between Angel and the Killer Klown (...From Outer Space); but hey that film was silly so, what-the-hey!  That said, when Rosemary Carrie (Midkiff) gets dragged to hell they don't look too bad.

All in all, this isn't a brilliant movie but it is funny, interesting, and a great tribute to a lot of the films of my youth and for that alone, I'd recommend all horror fans to check it out.  I hope that Tana will keep on making movies and writing as this is what the horror genre needs at the moment.  I can see from this film that he'd probably make a horror flick worth watching or a horror story worth reading.

I give this Possessed Pussy (had to do it) a Killer Love Scratch of 7 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Beware! The Blob

Beware! The Blob

1972

Jack H Harris Enterprises

Columbia Broadcasting System / Umbrella Entertainment

0 / 10

The only thing horrifying about this movie is that it got greenlighted, backed, and filmed:  It's more horrendous than horrifying.

I have never given a zero rating before as I try to find good in everything, though no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do it with this travesty of a movie.

The story of The Blob's return is told in a series of skits and sketches, which are meant to be humorous and scary...  Unfortunately, the writer Jack A Harris (who produced the film) and screenwriters Anthony Harris and Jack Woods evidently couldn't grasp either concept as the laughs are on the audience who paid good money to watch this, which is the only horrific idea related to the film.  Not having read Richard Clair's story "A Chip Off The Old Blob!" (which is also a much better and funny title for a comedy horror movie) I cannot say if these traits stem from there.

Then they give the directors hat to Larry "JR Ewing" Hagman.  Though he'd directed five TV episodes this was his first full-length movie and it shows.  It could also be the reason he never went back to directing for the big screen.

Another shock was to see some big'ish names appearing in cameo roles... Robert Walker Jr, Carol Lynley, Shelley Berman, Cindy Williams, Burgess Meredith, Dick Van Patton, and even Sid Haig

All these names do not a good film make.  Instead of watching this movie, go paint that bedroom you've been putting off and then grab a chair and watch that paint dry, you'll have a more entertaining and productive time.

Remember these are the BEST bits of the film...

BEWARE!

Movie Review - Dead Heat

Dead Heat

(1988)

Helpern/Meltzer : New World Pictures / Anchor Bay Entertainment / Image Entertainment

7.25 / 10

This was a rare treat to watch.  I had forgotten how good and funny this little horror comedy thriller is.

This is a buddy-buddy cop tale that takes a walk on the Darkside.  While in a shootout with a couple of jewellery store robbers they are amazed when the bad guys just won't lie down dead even though they're dancing a Spandau Ballet in a hail of bullets.  It takes a hand-grenade and a speeding car to bring them down.

It's not until they get the bodies into the morgue that they realise they have already been autopsied...

This is one of the best and funniest Zombie films around.  Back in the glorious '80's the special FX really did go the extra mile.  The scene in the Chinese butcher's shop is hilarious and gruesome as the dead animals come back to life.

However, not everything about this movie is fun.  Around the half way mark the film slows down and the laughs start to disappear... in fact, the story pretty much stops.  It does pick up in the last fifteen minutes of the film but never quite reaches the highs of the first half of the movie.

Both of the lead roles, Treat Williams as Roger Mortis and Joe Piscopo as Doug Bigelow, work well together and this chemistry works well and pretty much holds the film together.  It's when these two aren't together that the movie suffers.  Most of the comedy moments are where these two are working off each other.

Both Darren McGavin (of "Kolchack: The Night Stalker" fame) as Dr Ernest McNab and Vincent Price as Arthur P Loudermilk are underused.  These two could have been utilised a little more in the second half of the film, this may have helped the lift the movie here, making it a little less boring.

Mark Goldblatt, does a good job of utilising the lead actors and bringing out some really good dark comedic moments.

I'd recommend this to anybody who has a dark sense of humour and likes everything horror and Zombi.  Still one of my favourites of the '80's even with the stale second half... it has a special place in my heart.

Movie Review - Wyrmwood

Wyrmwood:  Road Of The Dead

2014

The Cast

If you, like myself, have started to become bored with the "Zombie-Fest" the film companies have given us, from the remakes of George Romero's classics to Zombie Nazi's to World War Z, then this is a great big breath of fresh air... or not (you'll get that joke once you watch the film.

What you get here is the classic opening and cause for the Zombie plague, a group of falling stars which changes the chemical make-up of the air.  The change forces the population to become Zombies, except for one particular blood group... these are our survivors.

Along the way you get their stories, an army with a suspect mission, a mad professor with an insane plan to help the human race, and the next generation of Zombie.  Even though all of this has been done before in other films, the vigour with which the director, Kiah Roache-Turner gives the film, and the twists to the "Zombie Myths" which the writers, Kiah and Tristan Roache-Turner, add give this film and the particular genre a much-deserved kick in the arse.

The actors were great and did a fantastic job on the characterisations.  I especially liked Leon Burchell as Benny, who blows a guys head off to find he wasn't a Zombie, to which he runs over to the corpse and shouts, "Is he okay?  Is he gonna be okay?"

The first time I saw Barry, the main hero, I wasn't too sure of his character or the actor playing him, Jay Gallagher.  I was wrong about my initial opinion on the character and actor, as his story is one of loss, anger, revenge, and growth, and shows what kind of psychological journey you would take should the Zombie Apocalypse occur.

Bianca Bradey did a wonderful job of portraying Barry's sister Brooke, who is a strong, intelligent, take-no-crap, woman.  Frank, played by Keith Agius, is a wonderful character who has a great depth to him, the scene in the stalled truck is brilliant.  The mad professor is greatly over-acted by Berynn Schwerdt making him a wonderful psychopath.

This film is so chock-full of so many different things, even genres, comedy, action, thriller, with horror being the main genre and I was grateful that the horror feel stayed throughout.  I was waiting to be dismayed when it all eventually fell apart.  Like watching a plate twirler, you're expecting a plate to fall and smash, and once that happens usually all the other plates follow.  When the end came and the credits rolled, I was wearing a big smile on my face, thanks guys for a great film.

I caught this as it aired on Film4 though now I'm looking to pick up a copy so I can throw it at my friends while screaming, "WATCH THIS!"

This is a MUST WATCH for any Zombie-ites out there.  I give this a flesh-ripping blood-dripping 10 out of 10.

Okay, so the trailer is below, however, I would recommend watching the movie and not the trailer, because, as is the want of trailers, some (not even most and definitely not all) of the good scenes are shown, but most of the pivotal scenes are, which would be better and more satisfying when viewed in the movie.

You Have Been Warned!