Movie Review - Hellraiser: Judgement

Hellraiser:  Judgement

2018

The Cast

Oh, My God!  They just keep getting worse... and worse...

Can we please have a decent story writer and director give the fans a decent story, one that will do Barker's vision credit(?)  

This story has so many flaws it verges on the ridiculous.  Evidently, the humans have grown out of wooden puzzle boxes so the L'Merchant  Configuration is no longer a viable gateway to hell.  But as The Auditor  (Tunnicliffe) says to Pinhead (Taylor), "At least, we still have the house..."  Hey!  Who would have thunk it(?)  The Cenobites own property and real estate...  No matter how preposterous that sounds it actually gets worse...  How do they lure their intended victims through the door(?)  They drop them a line via good ol' pen and paper.  I wonder if it's the chatterer that runs down the stationers... I hear he loves to meet people and is a terrible gossip; gift of the gab he's got...  Why, couldn't they think of a new and imaginative way to contact their victims?  At the very least, Tunnicliffe (the writer) could have the message sent on a piece of human skin and tattooed in blood.

Then when the victim gets inside, the audience is treated to a bit of unnecessary vileness.  After The Auditor takes down the quarry's life story, via a typewriter which uses the captives blood as print (finally a bit of imagination) we are introduced to The Assessor (Gulager).  He eats the transcripts then regurgitates the remains down a tube, which sprays over three naked women, The Jury.  This then leads to the subject being handed to The Surgeon, no matter what the verdict, who proceeds to do a hack and slash job.  Then once again, the naked women get splattered... this time with blood.  This gives a new perspective on hell's judging process; however there's no rhyme or reason to it, so it just feels like fill in.  Even though it's quite nasty to view, it's also quite boring.  Tunnicliffe (The Director) doesn't have the skill to create an atmosphere of horror or tension, which helps to make the scene even more tedious.

One decent thing about this film and story is the Thriller story woven throughout.  Two detectives, literally brothers in arms, Sean (Carney) and David Carter (Wayne), along with Detective Christine Egerton (Harris), are chasing a gruesome serial killer terrorising the city.   However, the inevitable twist is so obvious it weakens this "stronger" section of the film.

The best part of this whole mess is the acting.  Even Tunnicliffe isn't too bad.  I think it was a little too much to create a new Cenobite (loosely termed, as he's not really a Cenobite) who has more screen time than Pinhead himself and then give the part to yourself.  As for Pinhead, Taylor still doesn't have the presence of Bradley, but he is much better than the last instalment.  I will give this to Taylor though... he has sitting down-pat.  That's right, we get to see Pinhead relaxing... twice...  How Scary!

There's even an appearance by Heather Langenkamp as The Landlady.  Though, if you blink you'll miss her for she's on screen for about the same amount of time it takes you to read this paragraph.

Do yourself a favour and miss this mess of a film.  There are a lot better horror flicks out there... A Lot!  If you need your Pinhead fix then, as usual, I recommend cracking open the original flicks.

I give this An Audited Vomit Induced Regurgitation of 3.5 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Revelations

Hellraiser:  Revelations

2011

The Cast

Out of an original idea and story comes another unoriginal take on the Cenobite mythos...

It's spring break and teenage friends, Nico Bradley (Gillespie) and Stephen Craven (Eversman), are vacation-bound.  However, Nico has a different idea of their destination.  No longer will they be partying on the beach but will be having an adventure in Mexico.  Whilst enjoying themselves in a strip joint, they're approached by a vagrant who offers them visions and sensations beyond their wildest imaginings...  Upon accepting the L'Merchant Configuration, Nico starts his journey into hell.  Months pass and the boys are missing and feared dead.  Their parents are having a dinner party when things start to take a dark and nasty turn as the Craven's daughter Emma starts asking some awkward questions... then things get worse when Stephen returns... covered in blood.

This goes across ground covered in the first two films and Inferno and it wouldn't have been so bad had the Director, Garcia, brought across some of the imagination and style of the first two movies.  However, he doesn't.  What the audience gets instead is pretty standard direction with a much too slow pace, which only adds to the boredom factor.  If it weren't for the acting this would have been a dire affair.

None of the cast actually stand out except for Stephan Smith Collins.  Unfortunately, it's for all the wrong reasons.  Collins has to be the worst choice ever to replace Bradley as Pinhead.  Where Bradley had the presence and power to make Pinhead ominous and to ooze threat and force.  Collins has about as much presence as a wet lettuce.  His Pinhead couldn't scare a Scaredy-Cat or a Cowardly Custard.  It's this that has the worst effect on the film.  The audience suffers the direction and pace in the hopes of something interesting happening... then it doesn't.  At least with the previous movies, no matter how bad, you still had a powerful character in Pinhead.  What's even worse is that Collins couldn't carry off Pinhead's voice so they brought in the vocal actor Fred Tatasciore... who also couldn't do the voice justice...

Then to add insult to injury we're introduced to Mini-Pinhead... yeah, that's right... just to put the cherry on the cake.  They couldn't even come up with a new and different Cenobite.  This too could have been better had the writer, Tunnicliffe, decided to have Nico remind Pinhead of his human-self... this could have, at least, added a little more interest into the two characters.

There's not much going for this film so I'd not recommend it.  As usual, it's the original films that are worth your time and attention.

I give this a Boring Box of Unchained Monotony a 4 out of 10.

The Trailer

Oh, My God!  Even The Trailer Is Boring...

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Hellworld

Hellraiser:  Hellworld

2005

The Cast

So once again, we have a good premise for a story that isn't fully developed, which in turn weakens the film.  Hellworld is a computer RPG and puzzle game starring Pinhead and the Cenobites.  Years later, a party is being held for a select group of gamers.  To get an invite you just have to solve a puzzle.  A group of five friends solve their way into the party.  Once there, they meet the host, a mysterious man who has decked out the mansion with a whole host of gruesome oddities.  It's not long before the blood starts to spill...

It was a treat to see Lance Henriksen in a Hellraiser film... except that it's not a Hellraiser film.  Out of the new series, this is the furthest off the mark... however, it is more enjoyable than the rest.  Even though the twist in the tale spoils the film, in respect to it being a Hellraiser movie, it actually makes it a decent psychological thriller.  Not the best as it's all been seen before, but still very watchable.

The other point at odds is the acting.  This isn't as strong a cast the previous flicks only Henriksen and Bradley stand out.  The rest of the cast is quite average.  I'll also wager this film wasn't mentioned when Cavell went up for the Superman role,   But for once, the direction helps to keep the audience's attention.  Bota is quite good at creating a lively party atmosphere.  He even keeps the pace tripping along to the beat.  This is a great surprise as his previous takes on the Hellraiser mythos have been quite meandering, even verging on boring.

The major drawback to this film is the gaping holes in the story, which I cannot go into detail about because it would spoil the film for those of you thinking of watching.  There are way too many inconsistencies to be explained in the film and this damages the story and lessens the enjoyment.

What this film needed was a much better thought out story taking into account the Cenobites as main characters and not just add-ons.  It could be done and it wouldn't have taken too much to accomplish.

If you are thinking about watching the film then I would say to give it a go but remember it's not a real Hellraiser story... in fact, it's not actually a horror film.  If you like psychological thrillers, with a dark supernatural twist, then you should delight in this movie.

I give this a Psychological Fake Hellraiser Party of 5.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Deader

Hellraiser:  Deader

2005

The Cast

This had the potential of being a decent Hellraiser sequel.  For one, the story makes this a Hellraiser film.  The trouble is that it doesn't go far enough and the direction is dreadful, the pace is too slow, and the scary atmosphere is non-existent.

Reporter, Amy Klein (Wuhrer), is given a new assignment to track down the deaders.  Her boss, Charles Richmond (Kunz), has been sent a video in which a woman is shot in the head after a strange ritual by a man named Winter (Rhys)... seconds later she's alive once again, with a huge exit wound in the side of her head... and she's immortal.  In the course of her investigation into the new cult, Amy finds out that Winter is a descendant of L'Merchant...

For some reason, Bota, who was responsible for the uneasy feeling throughout the last instalment of the Hellraiser saga, Hellseeker, failed to add the same atmosphere in this chapter.  This is a shame as it would have been so much better with it... the story cries out for a sense of unease and creepiness, with a side order of fear.  It's even forgivable that there are few Cenobites in the story, once again, as the ritual and the immortalisation is based around the L'Merchant configuration.  However, the ritual itself should have been better thought out.  It feels and appears weak and silly.  For me, it was even quite annoying with all the shouting.  This was a missed opportunity, and there are plenty more in the story.

I have to admit, even though I'm not liking the new set of Hellraiser films, I have to give credit to the actors and actresses as they have been the strongest and best part of the movies.  This is still the case in this flick too.  The only flimsy character is Winter.  Rhys gives a poor portrayal of a main character, though this too could be down to the writing and the direction.  I would have tried to get Bruce Ramsey to play Winter as he did such a great job as the trio of Merchant's in Bloodline.

What the film needed was a more detailed and thought out story, better direction with an influx of atmosphere, and slightly more Cenobites...

Again, I would recommend the original four films over this one.

I give this an Immortally Dead 4.25 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Hellseeker

Hellraiser:  Hellseeker

2002

The Cast

  

After watching the dreadful Hellraiser - Inferno I was hoping this would be better... after all, it does have the return of Kirsty Cotton... but it's not.

Trevor Gooden (Winters) wakes up in a hospital after a car accident in which his wife Kirsty (Laurence) drowns.  Suffering headaches and realistic nightmares he also begins to notice that his life is a little less ordinary than it should be.  Some things in his life have changed... and they keep changing on a daily basis... things are wrong... something is out there... something is getting closer...

This, like Inferno, had possibilities, however, due to the direction of the story and the film we get another Thriller with Cenobites.  Note I didn't say starring.  Once again the Cenobites take a back seat to the thriller.  

There are two positives this film has over Inferno.  One is that the story is less jarring and slightly better constructed... slightly...  But it still has the same effect of harming the film and the performances the actors and actresses give.  The second is that the director, Bota, instils a trickle of unease throughout the movie.  It's just a shame that it doesn't quite make it to fear.

The two major flaws that irked me the most were both to do with Kirsty.  I just cannot imagine that she'd marry anybody like Trevor, not when you consider her past... and considering her past would she, once again, open the box and treat the Cenobites so antagonistically(?)  This just isn't in her character... but hey, when should a story be shaped by a character, especially when a twist and reveal depends on it(?)

Again, this film could have been better had more attention been paid to the characters and structure and with a few more Cenobites added into the mix.

To be honest, this isn't as bad as Inferno, in fact, it's worth a watch.  However, it's not a Hellraiser film and because of that, I would recommend you watch the original movies.  They are so much better than this... in every Hellraising way.

I give this a Dream Induced Nightmarish Reality a 4.5 out of 10. 

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Inferno

Hellraiser:  Inferno

2000

The Cast

This is a good idea but a badly structured story... and it's this which lets the film down, greatly.

Detective Joseph Thorne (Sheffer) is not a good man. On the first case, we see him investigate a dead man he bullied in high school, he steals the deadman's drugs and later the cash from his wallet, which he uses to procure a prostitute for the night.  The following morning he leaves her in the motel room... alive.  Later that day, he receives a distressing call from her.  When he and his partner, Tony Nenonen (Turturro),  turn up at the motel they find she's been slaughtered.  Thorne takes it upon himself to frame his partner for the crime... should he decide not to help him find the killer.  A man they later believe to be called "The Engineer".

It's not until the end of the film, when all the twists have unravelled, that you fully understand and realise just how good this story is.  However, you have to suffer some really bad scene construction to get there. 

For the most part, this is basically a thriller with gore, which isn't even up to the standard of the original series.  Another thing that isn't on par with the originals is the imagination or atmosphere.  There's a couple of dream sequences which are badly directed and acted,   There's no tension, which should have been oozing out of the screen at these points, and there's definitely no fear.  Even, when the Cenobites appear (for a Hellraiser film you don't get many Cenobites for your dollar), we are not in awe of them... we are not in fear of them...  These should, at least, have a presence about them, as they did in the first four films, for these are Daemons to some and Angels to others.  Beings to be worshipped and feared.  It's a good thing that Bradley brings his own persona with him as Pinhead is the only eerily creepy daemon on screen.  If it weren't for Pinhead this would be a massive flop.  However, this is down to the straightforward, nothing new, basic direction.    I do believe that the better horror films are the ones where the director tries to create something new.  It's like Derrickson, didn't want to scare anybody.

Sheffer is okay as the bad cop but his acting skills show their flaws every now and again, especially in the dream sequences (as mentioned before).  It's Turturro and Remar that add strength to the cast, along with Bradley.  It's actually nice to see Remar in a more subtle role as the Psychiatrist-come-Reverend.  Though I couldn't help believing, he would have been a much better choice for the lead,  It may even have been good to see Turturro stretch his acting wings in the role, as he's been a solid actor in everything I've seen him in.

What this film needed was to clean up the story, add a better structural skeleton to the story and film, more Cenobites, more atmosphere, more Cenobites, more tension,  more Cenobites, more fear, oh, and did I mention more Cenobites.

I would recommend re-watching the original four movies rather than sitting down with this... though if you really want to...  it's worth one watch... just!

I give this Precocious Blood Letting Failure a Sin of 4 out of 10.

The Trailer

Movie Review - Hellraiser: Bloodline

Hellraiser:  Bloodline

1996

The Cast

This could be called Pinhead in Space or Death of Pinhead or L'Merchant's Revenge.  So I put off watching this one as the thought of Pinhead in Space kinda made me feel nauseous, especially after Jason X - sometimes you shouldn't trust your gut or your precognitive intuition; because I missed probably the best Hellraiser film.  Oh, that has to be controversial as it only scored 5.1 on IMDb.

It's the story that makes this movie. There are three stories for the price of one, to be exact.  We start with the pivotal tale of Dr Paul Merchant, a distant relative to the cube's creator Phillip L'Merchant, who is driven to right the wrongs his ancestor loosed upon man and womankind.  This tale is set in the far future (making it so we can still have Pinhead stories and movies up until 2127 - 109 years to go...).  We then have the tale of Phillip and his role in the release and creation of the Cenobites.  It's this story that introduces us to Hell's princess, Angelique, who is a proper daemon and constricted by rules and commandments, more a puppet than a puppeteer.  Then the third story is set at the end of the third movie where the building at the climax is built by architect John Merchant.  What is so good is the intrinsicalities within the story that leads to a believable final act, tying all four films together to give a credible ending to the saga.

At one point in the late '80's and '90's horror was going orbital.  There was a spate of Sci-Fi Horror flicks.  The one crucial difference here is space being intrinsic to the plot - it's not just the writer going... what now?  Oh, I know - Space!

It's also nice that Kevin Yagher (who directed under the pseudonym of Alan Smithee) used such different lighting methods to create the most suitable atmospheres.  The story of Phillip is more frightening than the rest as it uses firelight and long shadows to enlighten the scenes of debauchery, violence, and bloodletting.  Whereas, the modern day of John uses natural light.  Yagher uses silhouettes and dark corners well to build up the tension.  Then in Paul's future, there's subdued blue electric lighting as there's no natural lighting in a tin-can.  This gives the added feeling of coldness and aloneness.  Add to this, some nice segues and camera shots and you have a very well crafted film.

Add to that the cast, who are all good in their roles.  I didn't even realise that all the Merchant's were played by the same actor, Bruce Ramsey, he was that good at giving them different personas.  Though Bradley is just as brilliant as Pinhead, as usual, I have to give credit to Valentina Vargas who is superb as Angelique.  In the beginning, she appears cool and calculated as she bides her time until she can free herself from the ties that bind her to her puppeteer, Jacques (Scott).  Then when she meets Pinhead, taking a place by his side, she's nearly as fear-inducing as he.

For the most part, the special effects are on par with the previous movies, though the CGI has gotten better it still looks dated.  And why do all robots have to have an element of a human?  Why does this 'bot need a terminator steel skull?

Though you could watch this one as a stand-alone film, I would at least recommend having watched Hell On Earth, just so you get a feel for the Cenobites, and you know the story behind Merchant's building.

I give this Origin Story and "Barker/Atkins" Saga Conclusion a Gore-soaked and Bloody 7.5 out of 10.

The Trailer